Free sample lesson · The Mom Test for Product
Why Everyone Lies
Have you ever pitched an idea and everyone said it was great, only to find no one actually bought it?
Lesson 1 of the Wondering course The Mom Test for Product
The Applause Trap
You have run dozens of discovery calls. The dangerous ones are the calls that go well.
People do not lie out of malice. They lie because they want to be supportive and avoid conflict.
- Idea evaluation
- Honest inquiry
Ask someone to evaluate your idea and you hand them a social problem, not a research question. The polite answer wins.
Strangers do it too. Friends and family do it hardest, because they actually want you to win.
Politeness Is Not a Bug
Treat the lie as a predictable system output, not a character flaw in your interviewee.
The instinct runs deep. Even a stranger with nothing at stake will tell you the idea sounds great.
- You pitch your idea
- Asked to evaluate?: Does the question put them in judge of your idea?
- Social norm activates: Encouragement is the socially acceptable response.
- Polite praise: You collect approval instead of evidence.
- Their real behaviour
- Yes
- No
- You re-pitch
So the blame sits with you. You asked a question that invited a polite response, and you got one.
Who Lies Most
Not all sources distort equally, and knowing the ranking protects your recruitment.
Friends and family are the worst sources for validation. They care about your feelings more than your business.
Strangers lie less, but they still lie at least a little.
- Friends and family
- Strangers
No source is clean when the question is "is this a good idea?"
Only the Market Knows
Here is the harder part. Even a perfectly honest opinion is still just an opinion.
Individual approval does not predict whether anyone will pay. Only the market truly knows if your business will work.
Everything else is opinion and hallucination.
What to Carry Forward
Stop asking for verdicts. Start collecting evidence about lives already being lived.
- Spot the ask: Notice when your question asks someone to evaluate your idea.
- Drop the pitch: Remove the idea from the conversation so politeness has nothing to reward.
- Ask about life: Move to their past behaviour instead of your future product.
- Discount approval: Treat every compliment as opinion, not proof that the business works.
Three rules to hold onto:
One. People lie from politeness, not malice.
Two. Friends and family distort most; strangers still distort.
Three. Approval is not validation. Only the market knows.
Check yourself
When someone says your business idea sounds great, is politeness a more likely explanation than malice?
- Yes, politeness is more likely
- No, malice is more likely
Answer: Yes, politeness is more likely
Yes. People often encourage others and avoid conflict, so positive feedback can be a predictable effect of politeness rather than deliberate deception.
Praise from an interviewee is _____, while customers actually paying is _____.
Answer: Praise from an interviewee is approval, while customers actually paying is validation.
Approval is an opinion or encouraging response. Validation comes from market behavior, such as customers paying for the product.
A product manager asks a friend, “Do you think this new workflow tool is a good idea?” The friend says, “Absolutely!” What is the best interpretation?
- It proves customers will pay for the tool
- It may be a polite opinion, not reliable market evidence
- It is stronger evidence than a paying customer’s behavior
- It shows the friend has tested the entire market
Answer: It may be a polite opinion, not reliable market evidence
The question requests a verdict and creates pressure to be supportive. The friend’s enthusiasm may reflect politeness, so it is weak evidence that customers will pay.
Keep going
This is lesson 1 of 25 in The Mom Test for Product. Next up:
- Three Core Rules
- Compliments as Fool's Gold
- Three Types of Bad Data
- Anchor to Specifics
- Break Approval-Seeking
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